Monday, June 26, 2006
I Think I Love You
I'm sleepingAnd right in the middle of a good dream
Then all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knocking at my brain
Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread...
"I think I love you!"
This morning, I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself
And never talk about it
And did not go and shout it
When you walked into the room...
"I think I love you!"
I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way
Believe me
You really don't have to worry
I only want to make you happy
And if you say
Hey, go away, I will
But I think better still
I'd better stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face
Do you think you love me?
I think I love you
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way
I don't know what I'm up against
I don't know what it's all about
I've go so much to think about
Hey! I think I love you!
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way
I think I love you!
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for
I think I love you
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way
Posted by jack at 8:53 AM
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Sunday, June 18, 2006
Have You Ever Been In Love?
Have you ever been in love?Horrible, isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
I hate love.
Posted by jack at 5:06 AM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Little Things
It's something that we are all guilty of, one way or another. We get so concerned about the big picture, that we tend to overlook the little things.I don't need the perfect relationship. Damn, I don't even know what the perfect relationship would look like.
What I want are the little things...
...like your coming over to surprise me at nine in the morning
...like little snacks that you bought just because you thought I might like them
...like blowing soap bubbles in the middle of the street and making me feel like a kid again
...like never failing to ask me if anything's wrong every time I sound a little "off"
...like listening to me whine about my crappy day / shift / boss
...like always allowing me to steal food off your plate even though you know I'll end up finishing it
...like maintaining my self-esteem and not thrashing me on the squash court
...like just holding me close and letting me listen to the sound of your heart beating
It's things like these that make every moment with you special.
Thank you.
Posted by jack at 11:18 AM
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Closure
I chanced upon an acquaintance's blog today. i always though he was such a happy-go-lucky guy, until today when I realised just how much pain he is going through. To quote the princess,"Why are we so obsessed over our own feelings and hold no regards to others? why are we always so caught up in our pain, misery, happiness, anger; that we failed to notice the feelings or emotions of others? are we so warped in our own emotions that we can't even notice others? are our emotions so important that we have to be excused for failing others? are our situations more realistic that others have at most become third best, since second best are reserved for out-look crisis? to put it simply: we so warped with ourselves that we failed to notice other people's feelings. we're plain selfish."
(Guilty as charged!)
Anyway, back to Leonard... this is what he blogged,
"It's been over 4 years going 5... and I thought I had forgotten. Maybe its because I chose to forget and tried to bury the past. It hurt too much then. It still hurts now when I remember.
3 years have gone by since I finally got out of my depression. I had started all over again. I have a brand new life. A brand new mindset and a brand new out look of life. Whatever has happened in the past, I've dug a hole 6 foot deep and buried it there. The past which I just want to leave it unspoken, forgotten, untouched. It went on well for 3 years. Yet it resurfaced.
How does one escape the pain of a broken heart? Since the break up, I've been blaming myself. I've never forgiven myself. We were young. Maybe foolish. Yet it was nobody's fault. It could have been better if it never started in the first place. I wasn't the one who initiated the relationship. Yet now, I'm the one left suffering. There was no closure. As such, that left an open wound. A wound no matter the type of bandage used, still hurts, still bleeds.
I don't dare to face my past. I can't. I was down in that bloody hole for way too long. I threw away more than a year of my life. It drove me close to suicide. I still want to leave the past forgotten. Yet the pain that resurfaced is too much to bear.
How do I bury a past to focus on the present that will lead me to a future?"
While I can't feel his pain, I do understand what he's going through, having been in a very similar situation myself... I once thought I needed closure, I seeked it for the longest time. But I learnt the hard way that sometimes, some things will always be left hanging... you can either wallow in misery for the rest of your life, seeking that which won't be found, or you can accept that things will always remain where you left them, and move on with your life.
Maybe the need for closure comes from never confronting your pain. Maybe it's because you bury it deep within in the hopes that you could just forget about it. Whatever it is, in my opinion, wounds hurt, wounds bleed... but wounds also heal. It might leave a scar, true, a painful reminder sometimes, but they heal.
Faced with a choice of living in the past or choosing a new chapter in my life, I chose to let the past be just that, past.
Posted by jack at 8:59 AM
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Monday, June 12, 2006
Do You Believe In Destiny?
Do you believe
in Destiny?
Walk any path in Destiny's garden and you will be forced to choose, not once but many times.
The paths fork and divide. With each step you take through Destiny's garden, you make a choice; and every choice determines future paths.
However, at the end of a lifetime of walking, you might look back, and see only one path stretching out behind you, or look ahead, and see only darkness.
Sometimes you dream about the paths of Destiny, and speculate, to no purpose.
Dream about the paths you took and the paths you didn't take...
The paths diverge and branch and reconnect; some say not even Destiny himself knows where any way will take you, where each twist and turn will lead.
But even if Destiny could tell you, he will not.
Destiny holds his secrets.
The garden of Destiny. You would know it if you saw it. After all, you will wander it until you die.
Or beyond.
For the paths are long, and even in death there is no ending to them.
Posted by jack at 9:37 AM
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Friday, June 09, 2006
What Color Are You?
White
Red
Yellow
Brown
Human
Posted by jack at 8:31 PM
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Five Signs You Might Hate Your Boss
Been feeling tired at work recently? It could be an indication that you've changed your opinion about your boss... does any of the following sound familiar?1. It used to be a case of: they talk, you listen. Now it is a case of they talk, you still listen but in one ear, out the other.
2. Where respect used to be given, now sweat and blood is needed to earn it.
3. You spoke with reverance when their name came up, now you spit in reverance when their name comes up.
4. They still lead you, but they lead your ass, no longer your heart.
5. You worked with passion, you worked with dedication. now you work for money.
Posted by jack at 8:54 AM
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Sunday, June 04, 2006
For Wisma
There are some things that I want to share with you... just random thoughts as I'm sitting here...No matter what job you're in, as long is it's customer-service oriented, you are gonna face fucked-up customers. You have two choices, either deal with it, bitch about it, forget it and move on (and if they were really stupid, you can laugh or blog about it!); or let it affect how you treat the following customer. Remember, it's not the next customer's fault that the first one was such a fuckwit!
Managers come and go in Starbucks. Some stay for a very long time, and some for too short. Some are easy to work with, some are like the boss from hell. But don't think that they are "all-knowing". They make mistakes too. Given, sometimes it's hard for certain managers to admit they were in the wrong, but never be afraid to give them feedback, either positive or negative. It shows you care.
What counts in the service industry is more so the service than the product. Without discounting the quality of the product, don't forget to create a third place. From what I've observed, you guys do an awesome job of bringing your store alive. And how do you do that? You never forget the most important rule: to have fun at work.
You would by now also have realized that there are so many different types of partners. Sometimes it's hard to like all of them. As long as you remain professional on shift, it's ok. You don't need to feel an obligation to hang out as friends after work. You might not like their guts, smart-ass attitude, dress sense, whatever, but then again, they might not like yours either.
At the end of the day, it's the partners, not the managers, customers or infrastructure that make up a store. You guys are lucky to be the pioneer batch for wisma. Opportunities and bragging rights like that don't come by every day. Cherish it for what it's worth.
That's it... just me being bored, I guess.
Anyway, I want to thank you Selina, Mia, Siti, Mushroom and Elfe (the rest don't read my blog) for being so welcoming to me. You've made me feel so at home. I've really enjoyed hanging out here in Wisma this past month. I don't have the real things, so will you girls settle for virtual "Be Welcoming" and "Be Genuine" cards instead?
This one's for you...
